Why Won’t my Partner connect with me EMOTIONALLY? (2021) (2023)


#EmotionalConnection #EmotionalIntimacy #Emotionalconnectioninrelationships

Hi, I’m Deanna Lynn, welcome to my channel. I’m a Trauma Informed, Relationship Coach, and on my channel I will be posting videos about relationship stuff!

In this video I share with you what is going on in your relationship that may be preventing your partner from connecting with you emotionally.

I dive into the energetics of it and how it relates to the polarties between the masculine and feminine energy.

Be sure to watch it so that you can understand how to navigate your emotional connection in your relationship so that you can finally have that deep rooted emotionally, Intimate connection with your partner that you desire.

I post videos every Monday, (and probably more because I like to serve)! You’ll learn how to build emotional intimacy and emotional connection in your relationship.

Whether you are in a relationship now or trying to attract the most amazing one, you will find this content very helpful.

Please share in the comments what your biggest struggles are when it comes to building an emotional connection with your partner. I would love to hear from you!

Be sure to subscribe for new content!

Deanna Lynn

PS - To get access to my FREE "How to connect to your intuition through your emotions, click here - deannawhiteley.wixsite.com/deannalynn/challenges

To get access to my FREE 3 Day "Emotional Connection" Challenge, click here - deannawhiteley.wixsite.com/deannalynn/emotional-connection-challenge-replays

To join my membership community, click here - deannawhiteley.wixsite.com/deannalynn/challenges

#deannalynn #traumainformed #relationshipcoach


I get how frustrating it is when you're trying so hard to get your partner to connect with you emotionally, and it's just not happening in this video.

I am going to help you understand, what's actually going on and why your partner won't connect with you emotionally hi.

My name is deanna lynn and I am a trauma-informed relationship coach and I help people to build emotional connection in their relationships before we dive into why your partner is not connecting with you emotionally be sure to hit that subscribe button to be notified of all future content to really help you lock in that emotional connection in your relationship and say hi in the comments section, I would love to hear from you and share this video with your friends and family that you find are struggling with building emotional connection in their relationship.

Okay, so plain and simple.

Why is your partner not connecting with you emotionally it's because connecting with you emotionally is unsafe, for them they have their wall up and whether this is conscious or unconscious.

It doesn't really matter.

They have a wall up to protect themselves because sometime in their life, they try to express themselves emotionally or share deep feelings or thoughts of like what's going on internally and it was not safe for them.

So they put the wall up and they said I am never going to do this again, because when I do this, this happens and this is not safe.


So it's really important for a partner to understand that they're not connecting with you emotionally, not because they don't want to not because they don't love you it's because it's unsafe and they actually don't know how to get beyond this feeling of unsafety.

So it's really important for you as a partner to understand what is actually going on in an energetic level so that you can create a space that is safe for them to connect with you emotionally okay, so we have our masculine and we have our feminine polarities, and so we have that within us.

Everyone has those energies within us and the masculine polarities and speaking from a healthy standpoint, the masculine polarity is being able to hold space for another person being present with them and holding this like structure and this support system and the feminine is about self-expression feeling, emotions real, like interception and understanding what is going on inside of you and most people, it's unsafe to first actually go within and feel and experience what is going on inside and also very unsafe, to express it with the world to express it with yourself or with your partner and what needs to happen in a relationship is there needs to be a safe place for that feminine energy to be expressed so that you can create emotional connection now, an emotional connection is actually energetic, like it's literally physics like two magnets getting attracted to each other.

So if we have a feminine who's very repressed, because it's unsafe, a feminine energy, sorry they put up a masculine wall, they put up this wall that is like you are not allowed to penetrate okay, so that has them in their masculine energy.

Now, let's look at you now.

If you are trying to penetrate that wall by not creating space for them to express themselves, which can look like you over expressing yourself, you trying to fix the other person having solutions trying to heal them, be their savior.

That is you being in your unhealthy masculine energy, and then what happens is if you got masculine over here, unhealthy masculine over here, unhealthy they're, repelling each other, so that actually creates a disconnection in your relationship when it comes to emotions, as well as everything else kind of in your relationship as well, but we're not going to go into that.

So what needs to happen is seeing that they're unsafe, so they have their masculine shield up right to protect themselves.

Now it's about you being able to cr, be that, like masculine healed, supportive space that healthy space for them, so that they can take their masculine shield down.

So what does that? Look like that looks about looks like being in presence.

It looks like listening.

It looks like observing.

It looks like not speaking at all and just letting them take that wall down and slowly start to pull those things out from inside themselves, and this is going to take patience and it's going to take a lot of strength and courage from yourself.

You're gonna need to pull that from within, because, if you're anything like me, my learned way of creating emotional connection which I didn't get in my life is, I will over share.

I will overly emote, because when you share deep things within you, other people can kind of connect with those things and be like.

Oh, that person has taken my their wall down.

Maybe I can take my wall down okay, so if that's you and that hasn't worked for you, they have a really really strong wall.

They might be able to hold space for you and listen to everything that you are sharing, but it doesn't mean that they're going to share.

So it's going to be like a one-sided connection.

So now it's about like feeling that tension within you when you feel like you really need to speak and you really need to share and you really need to like tell them what to do, because you know the answer for them or you think you know the answer for them hold that within you feel that tension.

It's going to be so uncomfortable, I understand, but that is going to be your way to be able to actually hold space for another person is to not speak.


Now, I'm not saying don't ever speak in your relationship, because when we're in a relationship we need to be taking turns being in the masculine and the feminine energy, and it doesn't mean if your core is effeminate or your core is a masculine like we have all those energies deep within us right.

So it's understanding.

Okay, my partner is in their masculine energy right now, they're being present with me, I can feel that I can express myself now.

I can be in my feminine now when they're trying to express you need to step into your masculine okay.

So that's what I got for you! That's why they're not connecting with you um.

I hope this helps you kind of see things a little bit differently and just seeing them from like an energetic level, seeing them from like a polarity standpoint, and if you want to know more about how to actually bring this out in your relationship like what are actual steps and stuff that you can take.

I have a free virtual, um, emotional connection challenge and the link is in the comments.

So click on that link and reserve your spot, and I look forward to helping you build a um, deeper emotional connection in your relationship and be sure to subscribe to my channel hit that like button.

If you found this really really helpful and write in the comments, let me know like what are your biggest struggles like what are the things that you've actually tried to build emotional connection that worked or didn't work and any questions that you have about it, because I will use those uh questions to create more content to help you so look forward to seeing you in the uh virtual emotional connection, challenge have a great day.


What to do when you don t feel emotionally connected to your partner? ›

Try and gradually start sharing deeper emotions with your partner – Share your hopes and dreams for the future, as well as the things you are afraid of. Be curious – ask your partner intentional questions. For example, “what makes you feel most loved?” Or “what's the biggest risk you've ever taken?”

What causes lack of emotional connection in a relationship? ›

Conditions might include personality disorders or attachment disorders. Emotional detachment could also be the result of acute trauma or abuse. A healthcare professional may be able to see when you're not emotionally available to others.

Why am I emotionally unavailable to my partner? ›

Emotional unavailability can stem from poor parenting, childhood trauma, depression or anxiety, or a lack of trust due to previous relationship issues. Emotional unavailability can be permanent or temporary in nature and can be difficult to resolve depending on the underlying cause.

What causes lack of emotional intimacy? ›

Relationships lose emotional intimacy for simple reasons like busy schedules or difficulty finding quality time together. Or there can be more emotionally-nuanced and complex reasons, from a lack of emotional safety, fear of vulnerability, or underlying tensions in the relationship.

What is stonewalling in a relationship? ›

What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.

What does emotional abandonment look like? ›

In the context of a marriage, the feelings of neglect, being left out, and not being heard are collectively referred to as emotional abandonment. It occurs when one partner is so preoccupied with their own concerns that they are unable to notice the struggles, concerns, or problems their partner is experiencing.

Can a relationship last without emotional connection? ›

It's not sustainable long-term to have a romantic relationship without emotional intimacy. “If emotional intimacy is lacking, [one or both of you] may feel a lack of safety, love, support, overall connection, and it also will most likely affect the physical intimacy in a romantic relationship.

What are signs of emotional detachment? ›

Symptoms Of Emotional Detachment
  • Lack of emotions, also known as “flattened affect”
  • Unresponsiveness emotional experiences or situations that provoke emotional responses in others.
  • A feeling of being emotionally disconnected from other people, places, or objects in one's environment.
  • Reduced interest in sex.
  • Apathy.
May 18, 2023

What is emotional neglect in a relationship? ›

In a relationship or marriage emotional neglect is when a partner consistently fails to notice, attend to, and respond in a timely manner to a partner or spouse's feelings. In both instances, it has far-reaching negative consequences for the relationship.

Is being emotionally unavailable a red flag? ›

There are a few reasons someone might be emotionally unavailable, some of which are bigger red flags than others. Maybe they're just not that into you, says Feuerman. Or they're going through a dramatic life transition (recent breakup, career change, etc.) and their emotions are hard to pin down.

What does an emotionally unavailable spouse look like? ›

When you're in a relationship with someone who's emotionally unavailable, the relationship 100 percent revolves around them. “They don't consider your feelings, ask about your day, or wonder about your thoughts and dreams,” says Sylvester. “They brood on their own situations, expecting you to cater to their demands.

When should you leave an emotionally unavailable partner? ›

If you need a lot of quality time, affection, and reassurance, an emotionally unavailable partner is not the right fit for you. If you find yourself constantly pursuing your partner for more intimacy and closeness, take a moment to really consider if you can do this for the rest of your life.

How do I know if the spark is gone? ›

You're less interested in spending time together: When a relationship loses its spark, you may spend more time with your friends than your partner. You may even find that you're very easily annoyed by them, causing you to punish your partner or avoid each other altogether.

What is starving for emotional intimacy? ›

Emotional starvation occurs when a couple has allowed circumstances to bind them so tightly into responsibility roles that no time is available for intimate communication. There may be play time as in family vacations but the couple are always in parent mode.

What is a backburner relationship? ›

According to the study, a back-burner is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement”.

What does falling out of love feel like? ›

Falling out of love can be a very scary feeling. It might feel like having noticeably less interest in your partner and feeling less excited about spending time with them, even though you still care about them.

How do you know when a relationship is doomed? ›

Unrealistic expectations, uncompromising stances, and lack of conflict can be signs of a doomed relationship. Other signs include irreconcilable differences in sexual desire, negative predictions, and lack of affection and gratitude.

What is the abandoned wife syndrome? ›

Wife Abandonment Syndrome is a pattern of behavior on the part of a husband who leaves his wife out-of-the-blue from what she believed was a happy marriage. Following his sudden departure, he replaces the caring he'd typically shown her with anger and aggression.

What are 3 basic emotional needs? ›

Those needs are Autonomy, Competence and Relatedness: 1) Competence – need to feel like we've done a good job. 2) Autonomy – need to feel like we have control over what we do. Relatedness – need to have meaningful relationships and interactions with other people).

What are examples of emotional neglect? ›

Examples of emotional neglect may include: lack of emotional support during difficult times or illness. withholding or not showing affection, even when requested. exposure to domestic violence and other types of abuse.

How to know if your partner is not emotionally connected to you? ›

5 Signs Your Relationship Lacks Emotional Intimacy
  • You feel lonely and disconnected.
  • You feel misunderstood and judged.
  • There's an imbalance of communication.
  • You're lacking physical intimacy.
  • There's a lack of support.

What is an emotional shutdown? ›

This is a psychological phenomenon known as emotional numbness. It's something our mind does to help us cope when we're flooded with big emotions. Emotional numbing can have a significant impact on mental health, leading to feelings of detachment, apathy and a lack of interest in activities that once brought joy.

What causes emotional unavailability? ›

While there is no one explanation for emotional unavailability, it can be caused by a number (or combination) of factors. These include attachment styles developed in childhood, history in relationships, trauma, mental health conditions, and one's circumstances and priorities.

Why can't I feel love in a relationship? ›

Low self-esteem can cause feelings of repulsion toward love or relationships. If you do not feel attractive, valuable, or loveable, you may subconsciously feel that others will not see you in this way. Low self-esteem can be improved through self-care and practices that increase self-compassion, like meditation.

What does emotional invalidation look like? ›

Emotional invalidation can look like blaming, name calling, and problem-solving before understanding the other person's experience. Playing down another person's experience is another way to invalidate.

What does emotional neglect do to a woman? ›

When a woman feels neglected in a relationship, she is likely to feel as if she isn't important. This can lead to her also feeling sad, depressed, or hopeless. She may also begin to feel lonely as if she has no one to turn to because her partner is emotionally unavailable.

What are the 4 types of neglect? ›

Summarizes different types of child neglect, including educational neglect, emotional neglect, inadequate supervision, medical neglect, and physical neglect.

Is it normal to feel emotionally disconnected from your partner? ›

Feeling disconnected in a relationship is a common experience, but it's essential to recognize that it's doesn't have to become normal. It can manifest as emotional distance, a lack of communication, feeling sexually disconnected from your partner, relationship problems, or feelings of loneliness and intimacy.

Is it normal to not feel connected to your partner? ›

Feeling disconnected

There are seasons of your relationship when you'll feel less connected to your partner. Unless it is an ongoing, painful issue that's never resolved despite your best efforts, a momentary disconnect is normal—not a death signal.

Can a relationship survive without emotional connection? ›

It's not sustainable long-term to have a romantic relationship without emotional intimacy. “If emotional intimacy is lacking, [one or both of you] may feel a lack of safety, love, support, overall connection, and it also will most likely affect the physical intimacy in a romantic relationship.

How to tell your partner you don t feel emotionally connected? ›

Let your husband know, gently, how you are feeling. Tell him you don't feel as close to him as you once were. Ask if there is anything you can do to help you bond together again. This may open up the conversation and allow both partners to share their issues.

Why do I suddenly feel nothing for my boyfriend? ›

If you feel empty even when your partner is very present in your life, that could indicate a deeper issue. You might suspect that this relationship isn't a good fit for you or experience self-doubt. It's important not to jump to conclusions. As mentioned above, depression is one common cause of feelings of emptiness.

What does emotional blunting feel like? ›

One of the widely-reported side effects of SSRIs is 'blunting', where patients report feeling emotionally dull and no longer finding things as pleasurable as they used to. Between 40-60% of patients taking SSRIs are believed to experience this side effect.

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